


Ambedo [Reader Insert/Attack on Titan]

by Airplanes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bisexuality, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Confessions, Dialogue Heavy, F/F, F/M, I'm so sorry, Major Character Injury, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Original Character(s), Other, Pansexual Character, Reader-Insert, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Spoilers, more focus on the readers development, new to the archive, no triangles, some things arent italicized and they should be, spoiler heavy, the romance is slight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-10 10:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airplanes/pseuds/Airplanes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was not your average soldier.</p><p>With mysteries surrounding her past since the fall of Wall Maria, she has to somehow figure out exactly who she is while fighting to survive as a teenager with no knowledge of why she is the way she is.</p><p>Paired with the fact that her odd childhood memories keep coming back in flashes and that she steams when she gets injured, well...</p><p>No, she wasn't your average soldier at all.</p><p>{1st Person POV reader insert. Can be an OC, if you like.}<br/>[x Marco]<br/>[x Levi]<br/>[x Various]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

I remember  _That Day_.

She gave me a look, it seemed to be mixed with fear and hatred.

Most people would be disturbed to get such a look from their own flesh and blood, from their own  _mother._ Most people would immediately relent, apologize, and kiss up, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything. I stood my ground, a child no older than thirteen. She couldn't stop me.

I had to.

"I'm doing it, mother. I have to." I started, looking her in the eye. Unflinching. She hated me for it, I knew - she feared for my safety and hated that she could do nothing to protect me.

"I won't let you join the  _Suicide Corps_ -" She started vehemently, grabbing my arm. I pulled away easily. "[First]! I am your  _mother_ and I  _refuse -_ you  _saw_  how they came back today, Moses _-_ " Her desperate plea was cut short abruptly by a loud strike of lightning, and the people walking around us froze, staring up at the wall. My [E/C] eyes darted up toward the cause of everyone's distress. Blinking once, twice, three times, I wondered vaguely if it was all some sort of nightmare.

It wasn't necessarily  _scary_ , though - I had been conditioned for this since before I could remember, so if my brain was trying to make me afraid, it was sadly mistaken. All I felt when I looked up at that skinless face was blind  _fury_. Before I could do anything too rash, my mother placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I made an effort to calm down.

A large head was glaring down at the townspeople, covered in muscle and flesh, but no skin. It was disproportionately huge and I wondered how it could stand upright without being forced down by gravity. For half a second I could've sworn its small eyes were looking right down at my tiny form - but none of this was as alarming as the fact that I felt nothing I could describe as fear. It should have been a horrifying sight, especially for someone - a child like me. I should have decided then and there that I would  _never_  seek out another beast like that... but instead, all I felt was anger.

My mother paled visibly, muttering a prayer. She, no doubt, saw my lack of reaction as confirming her fears - I was mentally unstable. I rolled my eyes at her, though turned back to the Colossal-sized titan when I heard a crash.  _The wall..._

Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I heard the bell toll. Everyone around us scattered like roaches in the light, running for Maria. We resided furthest from safety, in the Southernmost part of Zhiganshina.

We'd planned to move tomorrow, but I suppose that's down the drain.

"Your father..." My mom said, suddenly frantic, "I'm going back for him, you need to run - wherever they tell you to, the titans will be here soon." She rushed out. Before she darted off, her lips met my cheek in a shaky kiss, "I'll be back in no time at all, okay?" I knew it was a lie, from the terror in her voice, the way her eyes darted around to the chaos erupting around us. People running, screaming, crying for loved ones that they'd most likely never see again...

I, on the other hand, planned to see another day. My mother clearly did not. I saw the harsh reality as it was, even with my rose-coloured glasses still planted firmly on my nose, I knew what would happen if she left.

I just... didn't know how bad it would be.

"If you leave, it's goodbye, mom." I said realistically. Though I thought felt no especially strong emotional attachment to the woman that raised me for thirteen years, I still  _needed_  her around. She smiled at me again, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes before she darted towards the wreckage of our home.

My feet carried me blindly towards her, no matter how much my brain told them not to.

"Wait..." I called to her quietly, picking up the pace until I was running as fast as possible, "You can't- you'll  _die_..." I huffed quietly. She kept running, obviously not hearing my words, because her pace didn't falter. She turned a few corners and ducked into an alleyway or two, making me need to recall the shortcuts to our house on my own. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I ceased all movement as I saw a titan, maybe a ten-meter one, walk past. It had an angry expression on its face - but what got to me were its eyes.

The wrinkles in its - his - skin, his mouth twisted in a frown as if he was greatly displeased with something were alarming as well, but once I got a look at his eyes my heart sopped. There was clear torment there, as if he'd seen decades of torture and was mentally damaged beyond all repair. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I wasn't very well hidden, so I darted behind a building.

My heart nearly stopped when I thought... it spotted me, but instead it continued to lumber along, undisturbed. I quieted my hurried footsteps, encountering another six-meter titan along the way to my house...

Or, what was left of it.

The houses all along this route were destroyed, debris from the wall having crushed the buildings long before any titans could get near them. I passed a forlorn young boy and a dark-haired girl trying to pull someone out of the wreckage of their own home on the way to mine. I recognized them, albeit hardly in my current state.

I saw a titan round the corner at the same time I saw my mother kneeling next to a body. It had blonde hair and a Cheshire grin rivaling mine, as it stared upon my abhorred caretaker. Blinking, I made to turn away from what I knew was her imminent death, but she shot up, a broken blade in hand, the sharp edges cutting into her skin deeply with how tight she was gripping it, rage twisting her features into an ugly grimace. I gasped.

"Mommy..."

My feet stayed in place. It was hopeless, this titan was at least ten times her size, yet...

Her feet shoulder width apart, the stance she was in was unmistakable. She gave a war cry, rushing forward with the intent to kill the thing that had  _again_ , taken someone she loved. He was in the military, he should've at least had the chance to fight against it, but...

Fate has a sense of humor, it seemed.  _You can't fight a wall._

A glance in the direction of my former home let me know that yes, I'd just lost my  _father_  - half of his head was caved in by a wooden beam that happened to fall on him, the rest of his body twisted unnaturally. Tears gathered in my eyes and my heart twisted. A glance back at my mother in the titan's grip told me that yes, I was about to lose my _mother_. I walked forward a few more steps, noticing a picture on the ground. Gritting my teeth and pulling the paper out of the frame, I shoved it in my pocket. I made a move towards my last close relative, but then stepped back.

She still slashed wildly at the creature's hand, not becoming disheartened in the least by the fact that  _it didn't care_. I sighed heavily, sickened by it all. I needed to leave while it was distracted, too much survival instinct had been engraved in me to make me fail now.

I turned on my heel just as her shouts were cut short, running back up the block with a forcefully deadpan expression on my face. Hesitating a little when I came across the boy and girl, I figured I should warn them of the danger.

"A titan is just around the corner-" My words were cut short as I noticed the woman in the wreckage, Carla  _Jaeger_ , my mother and she used to be close - and I realized that pulling her out would be futile. Her legs  _had_  to be broken. Unless they had superhuman strength and were planning on carrying her... Pity coursed through me, I ran towards them.

Just as the thought crossed my mind, the blonde one from before rounded the corner. It's grin was stained with blood and chunks of meat that I didn't want to recognize. I cursed at myself.

"It's no use." I said, "...you need to leave her and run." As I said it, I started trying to lift what was trapping her, feeling the weight give none. I sniffed and pushed tears away, loosening my jaw though I desperately wanted to grit my teeth against the flood of raw emotions.

"S _hut up_! You don't know anything, [First]!" The boy said, tears springing to his eyes. The girl, Mikasa remained quiet, but shot me a glare. _Boy, did I, Eren._

"Listen to her!" The woman spoke up fiercely, "You all need to go..."

"It's not moving and we have a thirteen-meter class  _less than_  thirty meters away. We need to move if we even have a chance." I spoke sharply, glancing again at the titan. it had it's eyes set on me. "Dammit," I was cut off abruptly when an older gentleman equipped with 3DMG landed close to us.

"Hannes!" The boy said. For once I got a good look at his eyes and marveled at the color they were. almost iridescent in this light...

"Take the kids and run!" The woman said urgently. I let out a short huff as I strained to lift the debris, but was unable to. Mikasa moved closer to me and began to pull - i felt a little give and tried harder, letting out a little grunt.

"Don't take me lightly, Carla." Hannes said, a small smirk on his face. I frowned lightly, "I'll kill the titan and save all four of you." I blinked, not wishing to be included but keeping my peace as the man stood. A member of the Garrison, so he'd likely never fought an actual titan before.

"Wait! you can't fight it!" Carla said desperately. I swallowed sharply, knowing that if I didn't ditch soon, I'd probably die too - but then again there was a tunnel the underground not too far from here...

No sooner did I start plotting the quickest escape did Hannes return. The titan wasn't felled, either.

_You're kidding me, right?_

"What the hell are you doing?!" The boy shouted as Hannes threw him over his shoulder. I saw it as a  _bad idea_ , especially if we were making a beeline for Maria - he'd be able to see  _everything_ over his shoulder. I said nothing, though, instead opting to run.

Hannes caught up to me rather quickly with two squirming and shouting children in each arm, really. I sped up as fast as my legs could carry me, glancing back just in time to see a flurry of blood escape the titan's mouth as he bit down.

_"I won't let you join the Suicide Corps."_

My morbid thoughts were cut short as we turned a corner rather abruptly, heading for evac.

* * *

_Breathe, babe..._

How in the hell did I end up here?

A year after the fall of Maria, and I was in the underground. My stomach clenched as I tried to make myself smaller, pressing my back against the wall. my heartbeat was in my ears and I let out silent pants, trying to regulate my breathing. C'mon. _I needed this_.

Adjusting the strap under my arm, I tightened it to how I remembered it was supposed to be. The clink of metal wasn't as silent as I'd hoped it'd be, and as I heard footsteps halt too close to where I was. _I should've stolen blades, too_. My heartbeat skyrocketed when they started up, getting closer and I held my breath.

"Come out,  _come out_ , wherever you are." The slightly feminine voice called, a dark undertone to it. I closed my eyes briefly, in fear of what this crazy would do to me if I was caught. "You're committing a federal offense. I'd be  _willing_  to let it go, if only..." They trailed off. It sounded like they were right around the corner and suddenly, another pair of footsteps sounded, along with a new voice.

"Hanji!" They called. Their tone was deadpan and slightly annoyed. "Did you find her? I don't want to linger."

"Not yet, Shortie." 'Hanji' said. The sound of a slap resonated in the dark and I took a cautious, silent step. "It doesn't matter. You know this place a thousand times better than all of us; can you tell where she's going?" There was a pause of silence, and I took another step to peer through the crack in the wall.

"Hm." The shorter one, the male said. The look on his face  _alone_  scared me. "I lived in the underground, I'm not a psychic." He said after a pause. I resist the urge to grunt in annoyance, settling on a frown.

"What do you mean?"

Before he could answer, a tall blonde man landed next to them both. He looked as though he was about to say something, but opted to just shake his head instead. He took a deep breath, but then stopped, furrowed his brows, and sniffed. I scowled.  _Their sniffer dog. How do they train their personnel? Are they the Navajo?_

"She's right around here." The tall one said.

"Mike? What?" Hanji asked.

"She's  _got_  to be..." He took a step towards the alley I was in and I darted out, taking a sharp right. I tried to get a tad more comfortable in the gear, and got ready to take off.

Darting out, I twisted through them [somehow] successfully.

"Wait, kid! Don't, it's danger-" I ignored the voice and bolted, quickly falling back into my old practice. I adjusted my mask, making sure they couldn't see my face. Aiming and shooting, I made a sharp left as I tried to lose them.

 _Just a little ways further and I'm home free._  I sped up, twisting my body around pillars and through throngs of people, until I could see it -

And then, darkness.

* * *

My fist was clenched lazily across my heart. The instructor, Keith Shadis, was it? He didn't like that.

All day he'd been picking on recruits, namely skipping those with grimly serious expressions on their faces. He had no interest in drilling those who had already been through hell - his intention was to intimidate the weak, to weed out the losers from the soldiers. Even I could see that many were also from Zhiganshina. I must've looked too carefree, my eye-rolling too apparent - I didn't look like a survivor, not like someone who lost everything familiar in a matter of an hour.

"And  _you, you little shit_ ," Shadis stood in front of me and my grin widened into a none-too-friendly smile, "What the fuck are  _you_  laughing at? State your name and where you're from, smiling idiot!" I breathed a short laugh before answering.

"[First] [Last] from Zhiganshina, _sir,_ " I had half a mind to bow dramatically, but decided against it. I didn't want to have to run until I drop, like that girl with the potato.

"Yeah? And what are you here for,  _maggot?_ " He spoke with the utmost contempt in his voice, probably because I didn't seem to be taking any of this too seriously.

_Little did he know._

"To learn how to kill titans." I said as though it was obvious, "And then be placed as far away from them as possible. Makes sense, yeah?" A small grin was brought to my face and I'm sure I saw his leg shoot out before he knew what he was doing.

Instead of dodging, I let it connect. My knees buckled and I fell on all fours.

"If you think that the military has any use for a  _mouthy bitch_  like you, you better think again. For a survivor of Maria you sure are a _blind idiot_!" He couldn't see, I was facing the ground, but this only made me roll my eyes. My fingers dug into the dirt and I let out a small, inaudible sigh.

_Help me survive the next three years without murdering someone._

"You're running laps 'till you drop for your insubordination." I should've expected it, really. "Dismissed." He said. I stood, and started walking to where Sasha Braus had started, scoping out the competition on my way. I'd been listening so far, and the only ones that piqued my interest were those he skipped over. A boy, he looked vaguely familiar - I doubted I'd forget those eyes - they were almost neon green in this light... We locked gazes for a moment and he nodded slightly, a serious look on his face.

 _Eren... Jaeger_ , was it?

Before I could dwell on it too much, I jogged lightly to the starting point, not eager to fulfill my punishment.

* * *

I didn't finish my laps. In fact, when I saw the sun start to set, I decided to head straight to the mess hall. When I entered, a few curious eyes glanced my way but other than that, I was left to my own devices. I didn't feel very hungry, so I chose a relatively empty table and sat as far away from the crowd that slowly gathered there.

Oh, the boy from Zhiganshina was popular? A small smirk rose to my face as I listened to the conversation.

"Yeah, his head was sticking up over the Wall,"

"Huh? I heard it could easily  _step_  over the Wall completely!" A couple people in the cluster murmured their assent. Jaeger shook his head.

"No, He was big, but not  _that_  big."

"What did it look like?" Another trainee asked hesitantly.

"A skinless monster," I muttered to myself, not at all starstruck. A few heads turned towards me, and a kid I recognized as Connie Springer spoke up.

"You saw it, too?!"

"Yeah," I said, "But please, turn your attention back to Jaeger-Bombastic over there, my tale isn't one of interest." They did.

"Pretty much what she said. No skin, just muscles with the creepiest set of teeth..."

"So, what were they like?" My attention turned to the rest of the trainees who weren't involved in the conversation, not getting a chance to actually  _see_  the competition before a spoon clattering against a bowl made me turn my attention back to Eren. He had a hand over his mouth with a horrified expression on his face and I could only guess what was running through his mind. He was bound to be triggered sooner or later. I placed my elbow on the table and held my chin up.

"I'm sure if most of you wouldn't be here if you actually saw one." I answered for him, grinning a little, "Most have this cocky grin on their face," I pursed my lips slightly as the words came out, "Some of them look outright  _adorable_ , if you can ignore the fact that... well, you know what they do." A chuckle made its way through my words as the others got these horrified looks on their faces. I relented.

"Sorry, sorry." I didn't wait for a response, instead turning back to Jaeger. "You okay?"

"Come on, guys... I think that's enough questions..." A freckle-faced brunette said warily, eyes darting to me with a concerned look on his face. He turned his attention back to Eren. "I'm sure they'd rather not relive everything they went through..."

"Sorry," Connie cut in, "We didn't mean to-"

"It's not like that." Eren finally said. He bit his bread, "Those stupid titans. They're really not big a deal."

_I call bullshit._

"If we focus on mastering the 3DMG, then it's over for the titans. I've waited years to be trained as a soldier, now all of a sudden the reality is sinking in. I'm joining the Recon Corps, and then I'm sending the titans back to hell." I watched this all with an amused expression on my face. "I'm gonna slaughter them all." I raised my brows, surprised, and smirked.

"Are you insane?" A voice from another table cut in. Jean Kirschtein, I think was his name, "Not that it's my business, but signing up for Reconnaissance is like a death sentence." He was in a pose similar to me, though the grin on my face was probably a lot more Cheshire. I could tell from the uneasy looks the freckled boy sent me every once in a while.

_He's kinda cute, I won't lie._

"I guess we'll see. Or at least I will. You seem content with hiding up in the interior with the Military Police."

"You mean the Bitch Brigade?" I cut in merrily. Connie snickered.

As Eren stood, I turned to the cutie. "I don't think I caught your name." I said simply. He smiled, albeit a bit anxiously as he answered.

"Marco Bodt, at your service. And you are?" He frowned slightly as Jean also stood.

"[First] [Last]. A pleasure meeting you, Freckles." A charming grin found my features as I held out my hand for him to shake, and his face went a little pink. He shook it gently, and I found I sort of liked the way his hand nearly engulfed mine completely. He was warm, a stark contrast to...

_Well, me._

A twinge of longing shot through me and I pulled my hand away quickly, looking up at him innocently. He could easily wrap his arms around me and put his chin on my head...

So  _cute._ It's frustrating.

He peered at me, seemingly concerned. His gaze seemed disarming, almost like he could see through me and I felt the urge to spill secrets I didn't even have.

In short, he had one of those faces.

I pushed past him gently and out of the mess, confused at myself. The next three years were bound to be interesting. 


	2. #TeamMP, #TeamSL

A month went by.

I sat in silence at the other end of Jaeger's table, content, for now, to observe. If there was one thing I knew at this moment, it was that I didn't want to befriend the weak. It'd make way for unnecessary grief and I wasn't feeling it.

So I watched. The top contenders for anyone I'd bother to socialize with seemed to already have their own clique, but that wouldn't be too much of a problem for me - I had an odd knack for just sliding into a person's circle unnoticed. First there was Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, the trio had all survived Zhiganshina together and they seemed like they had a bond forged through fire. Mikasa was undoubtedly strong and determined for whatever reason to protect the knucklehead Eren, who wasn't too shabby himself. Though Armin lacked the physical skill of either, he still had this talents. I wasn't sure if wits were enough to ensure his survival, though...

Then there was Sasha Braus and Connie Springer. Though neither took anything too seriously, I noticed a bit of potential in the oddest of places. For instance, how Sahsa could easily steal half a person's dinner without them noticing, or the fact that Connie... well, actually, I'm not sure why he was a contender. Something about him just sent me good vibes, and I'm normally a great judge of character.

There was the unlikely friends, Jean and Marco. I suppose the air of cockiness clashing with humbleness made me gravitate over there, too, but...

Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie... something about them didn't sit right. The way they'd tense up slightly whenever someone even mentioned the Armored and Colossal titan, how they'd have muted conversations all by themselves - the fact that Annie was even _involved_  in their little group at all, the lone wolf she was... none of it sat right, but they were still definitely contenders for the top ten. I'm on the fence with those three.

Christa and Ymir... The 'Goddess' and the demon (rich, coming from me), they each seemed to have their own baggage that I'm not too willing to act like I'm carrying. Though both showed promise, neither looked quite honest enough for me (again, that's rich).

Isabella and Alice. I  _think_  they're siblings, though they don't look that much alike - it's just that they're pretty much joined at the hip. One seemed to make up for anything the other didn't have, and I'm not sure whether that's a strength or a weakness. they were also kind of playful and danced around other circles, especially Alice.

A few others were scattered about, but to ensure my losses wouldn't be as great I think I'll keep everyone at arms length.

I chewed on my bread as I lost myself in thought. What was my purpose here, really? I felt this sort of tug in my gut, almost like I  _should_  feel something but it wasn't quite there yet. My head started to ache-

And then, all of a sudden Marco sat at Eren's table with me. He didn't say much, just a simple greeting and then comfortable silence.

I felt painfully awkward at first, but after a few days I relaxed. We exchanged a few words now and then. Then Kirschtein gravitated over after a couple weeks, and their chatter filled the silence. Sasha started asking for handouts and after I gave her my lunch for a week straight, she decided to sit with us permanently. With her she brought Connie.

Soon the table was too crowded and we moved to the table Christa occupied with a few stragglers, and then Ymir joined the bunch.

The more people joined, the less I spoke.

It wasn't a matter of being shy, it was more the fact that I wanted to pick up on everyone's interests. I wanted to know how to best reel them in-

"[First]? You okay? You've been so quiet lately."

"Hm?" I blinked up at Sasha, who had successfully nabbed my bread and was currently munching on it, not in the least guilty. I saw her take it, but didn't feel like ruining her fun. "I'm good, just... thinking." I lied. In all honesty, I was scoping out the guys.

"You look a little... out of it." Connie chimed in, leaning in towards the table to get a better look at me. Shrugging, I sighed.

"I'm  _never_  'out of it', Connie." I smirked.

* * *

It was five more months before we even saw the gear. I pulled the straps in place, evening them out as I went and a little miffed about the way the pulled too tight in some areas. I was older than the others, so I suppose they'd size me - who am I talking about, I'm smaller than almost everyone here. Specifically the one above my chest, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

It took so long mostly because we don't  _only_  learn how to fight titans - we need to know how to ride a horse, hand-to-hand combat, and we even had regular classes. There's various weapon training, too.

"Hey, Mina. I brought some tea earlier - would you like to share some later?" Hannah asked.

"Sure! Count me in." She turned to Mikasa, "What do you say?"

"About what?" The disturbingly serious girl replied.

"Hannah wants to have a tea party later." When she got no answer, her expression fell. "Oh, are you not into that sort of thing?"

Mikasa shook her head. "That's not it. I'll be there."

"What about you, Isabella?"

"Only if Alice is coming."

For some reason, I smiled a bit.

I heard shouting outside before, all of a sudden, the door was opened.

"I'm so sorry I'm late-" Freezing, I looked up and met the rather flustered eyes of Eren, who stopped saying whatever he was about to say and blinked,  _hard_ , his jaw almost hitting the floor.

The girls picked up the things nearest to them and tossed whatever it was in his direction. I breathed a laugh through my nose as he shut the door.

"Eren better not have done that on purpose," Ymir muttered. I don't know why, she was fully clothed.

"I-I'm sure it was an accident," Christa defended. Mikasa's face was going red and I raised a brow. That's new.

"Eren..." She muttered, "If you wanted to see it that badly, you should've just asked..." I almost choked. I pressed my ear to the door when I hear muted voices outside.

"So? How was it? Everyone wants to hear about it!" My eyes widened. Was that...  _Armin's_  voice?

"No, I didn't get to look around. And it was a  _mistake_."

"Eren, it's not fair to keep those wonderful memories to yourself!" My jaw dropped in surprise. Armin, nicknamed  _too-precious-for-this-world_  by most of the girls of the 104th?

Eren seemed to let out a resigned sigh and all of a sudden I was falling as the door was opened by Ymir.

"H-hey! I'm not dressed yet-" I hit the floor, face first with my butt up in the air. Cursing, I shot up and started buttoning my shirt. Ymir ignored me when I shot her a glare. My eyes went to the boys surrounding us; there was Connie and Jean, to be expected, a little more surprising was Armin and...  _Marco?_  He had a rouge blush on his cheeks, and I nearly frowned disapprovingly, but held my peace.

"Eren, you're scum. Christa was crying and everything-"

"I wasn't cryi-" Ymir slapped a hand over her mouth and gave her a look.

"I-I didn't mean any harm!" Eren defended, looking genuinely sorry.

"If apologizing solved everything, there wouldn't be a need for the Military Police Brigade. We won't be able to do the cleaning because we were shocked by your peeping." She placed her hands on her hips, a wry grin on her face, "Understand?"

Mikasa piped in, "It's not Eren's fault. He just wanted to see me changing." I coughed, more confused than anything about this entire scenario. Was I dreaming? Was this really happening? Eren blinked, and shook his head.

"No, that's not it at all." Mikasa looked hurt.

"So... you wanted to see Christa changing?"

"No!"

"[First]?"

Eren flushed red at the accusation, shaking his head, "I didn't want to see anyone changing! I thought I was late and-"

"Excuses, excuses. If you don't want Shadis hearing about it, you lot'll get cleaning." Ymir said. She and Christa walked back in the class where we were changing, and I stood, brushed myself off, and followed.

I pulled my boots on, fixed my shirt, and attached the actual gear. It had no blades in it yet, but  _damn_  was it heavy. What the hell? Was it this heavy last time? This seems like it'd be more likely to force me to the ground than it would pull me in the air, now that I had time to think about it.

After everyone else was changed, we went out to the woods with all the big-ass trees. A few minutes later, the boys joined us. We stood in rows with our fists over our hearts in a salute as Shadis addressed us.

"Trainees! Everything we've done for the past four months has been for this moment right now. This separates the strong from the weak - the capable from the incapable - the soldiers from the pretenders. There is no help from me this time, you either get it or you don't. Someone unable to correctly use the 3DMG is useless in defeating titans, you got it? So don't disappoint me." There was a short pause, "There are wooden targets scattered about for extra credit." With that, he gestured for us to take off.

I was the first one in the air.

My hooks pulled me in too quickly and I used too much gas, so I had to kick off a tree to avoid impaling myself on a branch. New gear. A small smile formed on my face as I got the hang of it a whirred through the trees, the world becoming a colorful blur. My hair blew in the air behind me, falling out of it's ponytail. Cursing lightly, I dodged an invisible branch that nearly smacked me in the face.

I narrowed my eyes, aiming my hooks in the direction of something moving further in the forest. Once I recognized it as a target, I went full speed ahead, not caring much about how much gas I used, lost in the competition. Arming myself with two blades, I furrowed my brow in concentration as I went in for the kill.

I felt little resistance and for a moment, I wondered if I even hit the target, but turning around I realized I had. I faced forward again and grinned.

_This would be a piece of cake._

* * *

Wind rushed through my ears as I approached my ninth target - I was getting the hang of this, but I figured that it'd be much harder in real life. Upon closer inspection, it was two in a row. I spared a glance to my blades, sighing when I saw they were getting blunt. I figure they could last for two more...

I hit the first target and my left blade snapped. It stunned me so bad, and I was headed straight for another target and then a tree... Gripping my remaining sword in both hands securely, I used my momentum to send myself spinning and hoped that I didn't wind up... dying, or something - when I felt it connect. I stopped spinning but crashed into the tree, banging my knee pretty hard. Before I could fall I hooked myself onto the trunk.

The moment of truth...

I turned my head slowly and smirked. Figuring ten was enough to put me somewhere in the lead, I decided to head back. It had to have been three hours by now, I was sure.

* * *

I landed just on the outskirts of the forest and Eren landed next to me, looking quite proud of himself. I remembered that he had some trouble with his belt earlier, and allowed a congratulatory smile to grace my face, though it was small.

"Everything go well for you?" I asked, spying Annie and Bertholdt land in close succession to each other. For a 14 year old, Bertholdt was awfully tall. I was barely five feet at 16. "I heard about your faulty belt, I'm glad Shadis spotted it." Running my fingers through my hair as I waited for his response, he grinned at me.

"Yeah, its not nearly as hard as I thought it'd be. Actually, it's kind of easy once you get the hang of-" I heard a high-pitched shout somewhere too close to my head and I ducked instinctively as someone flew out of the forest, tumbling onto the ground unceremoniously but soon getting up like nothing had happened. In fact, she seemed to be very happy, if her hands in the air were anything to go by. I glanced at the broken-but-still-sharp-enough-to-kill-me blade five or so feet in front of me.

Sasha Braus.

Connie Springer came tumbling from the trees a few moments after she did, peeved.

"Cheater!" He huffed.

"No way, I won fair and square and you totally know it!" She grinned a little mockingly down at him, since she was a few inches taller, and I felt a corner of my mouth tug up.

"Oi, Sasha!" Eren interrupted the duo's little spat, "You nearly took her head off!" He gestured to me and Sasha's face paled.

"Ohmigosh, I'm so sorry [First]! I didn't see anyone there-"

"It's fine Sasha, nothing's broken," I shrugged, "Just be a tad more careful from now on." She nodded eagerly and I raised a brow. Turning back to Eren, he looked like he wanted to say something else on the subject, but relented.

"So, you were saying?" I prompted him. His face brightened up a bit as we moved onto the new subject.

"Yeah... It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it, like I said. Did you find any titans?"

"Yeah, I almost spun out and impaled myself a few times though." I'd meant it as a joke, but it came out more morbid than I'd intended it to. Concern flashed in his eyes.

"You should really be more careful about these sort of things."

"Coming from you, the master of pushing himself too far, that's kind of rich." I grinned at him and he paused, realizing I was right.

"Still, [First]-"

"I appreciate your concern and all, but I can handle myself. Last thing I'm gonna do is die in training, alright?" I felt a little awkward at his concern and shifted on my feet, wincing when my knee moved uncomfortably.

"It's just - You're my friend." He smiled and a jolt of surprise ran through me, rendering me speechless as he gave me a warm gaze and a tender smile, making me get flashes of Carla back when we were kids, "You need someone to look after you, if  _you_  won't." I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but didn't manage to.

Marco and Jean landed next to us, and Eren scowled. Jean made some smart remark and the two started to bicker, making Marco sigh heavily as he glanced in my direction. I braced myself on a tree and he furrowed his brow. Isabella and Alice flew out of the forest at the same time, high-fiving each other. Reiner landed and walked over to Bertholdt almost immediately after spotting him.

"Hey- you okay?"

"Yeah, I just hit my knee a little hard on a tree..." I muttered, a tad embarrassed. His frown deepened and his concern seemed to intensify. He made a move to help me.

"No!" I barked out rather harshly, and he looked sort of wounded. I sighed heavily as Jean and Eren ceased their petty fight to look at me, concerned. "I'm fine." I just didn't want to be helped. Marco nodded a little sullenly. I almost felt sort of bad, but before I could dwell on it Mikasa shot out of the trees and Jean averted his gaze. Her eyes darted around, alarmed, until they landed on Eren who looked less than ecstatic at her arrival. He gave me a pleading look as she approached, and I raised a brow in question.

"Plea-"

"Eren!" The cause of his distress called, her sharp voice ringing clearly through the chaos of the other cadets' chatter. I felt for Eren, really. She was like his permanent babysitter, and their relationship reminded me of the one I had with my mother. Too much coddling and no room for the growth that had to happen, I made a mental note to figure out how to remedy that in the near future. "There you are." She didn't do anything else besides linger next to him.

Armin yelped as he appeared, tumbling face-first onto the hard earth below. For a moment he just laid there and Marco made a move to assist him at the same time a concerned Christa did. I saw Eren frown at the sight and he caught my curious gaze.

"He told me not to." Was all he said. I nodded, understanding.

Christa offered Armin a few encouraging words that the boy just frowned at, seemingly lost in his own world and I felt the compulsion to speak up.

"Christa." I started,placing a hand on my hip and leaning on my uninjured leg, "He's got this. Have a little faith in him." I walked towards the forlorn young man and slapped him on the back. He offered me a small smile, and I continued past him, trying my best not to show my limp, but the more I walked the worse it hurt. I nearly punched myself when tears pricked my eyes, but continued to where we were supposed to be lining up.

Moments later, the rest of the trainees joined me and Shadis's assistant muttered something to the man, making him nod. As his assistant spoke, his eyes darted to several of the recruits; Mikasa, Eren, Reiner, Berthodlt, Jean, Annie, Ymir, Sasha, Connie... and me. He also spared a glance to Marco and a few others, I noted. After a minute of seemingly deliberating, he spoke up.

"First day on the gear and no casualties. I must say, I'm impressed." He could've been genuine, but he was hard to read with the stoic look on his face and the blank tone to his vice, "But that's quite hard to-" Something out of the corner pf my eye caught my attention. Reiner, the least discreet and loudest person in your circle was whispering rather loudly [at least to your ears] to Annie, looking rather worried about something. I concentrated on trying to pick up on what they could be saying.

"Got that, Cadet [Last]?" I let my expression relax and faced Shadis again. "You look constipated." He stepped forward and I didn't bother looking up, though a pit of something unpleasant stirred in my stomach.  _Was I constipated?_

"Sorry, sir, was just contemplating something... sir." I had a slight problem with the whole 'sir' thing.

"Great, then while I demonstrate on you, you can learn."

"Huh? Wai-" He pulled me forward with a strong grip on my forearm. I stumbled a bit but regained my balance quickly enough.

"Now, it's a simple disarming technique." His assistant passed him with a musket and I blinked. Was he going to have her shoot me for not listening? "Let's see what you can do." She aimed it at me and leaned against the stock, getting into firing position and I frowned lightly. "Disarm her."

At that, a memory flooded through my mind.

_"Disarm me." He had a small frown of concentration on his face as he stared straight down the stock at me. We'd been in this position for half an hour._

_I attempted to recall the past two hours where both he and my father showed me clearly how to disarm a gun like this. Military Police grade, standard. My eyes narrowed and I made a half-hearted effort to slap the gun away, but I was too slow and too weak._

_"[First], you need to know this."_

_"Why?" I asked. Anything was more interesting than this, honestly. Who tries to teach a seven year-old to disarm someone with a musket? He sighed wearily and sat the gun on the floor, relaxing a bit. I didn't know it then, but he was tense._

_"If I tell you will you actually try?" He smiled- no, he grinned lightly, blearily, and sighed heavily. "There's just... a feeling."_

_"Like?" He shrugged._

_"Dad and I want to make sure you're ready to defend yourself if anything happens. He says the Military Police are acting strange, he's been hearing some whispers and its making him anxious. You saw how tersely he left, right?" His eyes darted to the door, "Plus, Mom's been giving him hell ever since I joined the Survey Corps, she hates them. And honestly he's not too big on it either, but he thinks it's better than the MP."_

_"I've noticed." His eyes widened slightly as he looked away from the family crest and back down to me. "Is that why he won't move us to Sina? Because of rumors?" Dots connected in my head, "Her brother is in the MP, right?"_

_"Your uncle, don't forget,"_

_"And she hates the Survey Corps because the MP clashes with them often. Does she fell like it'll split you two up if it comes to a Civil War? Or does she feel like you two will be going against her brother?"_

_He smiled again, but this time it was a tad bit more strained. He reached down and ruffled my hair._

_"Nothing gets past you, does it?" He kneeled in front of me, "I wasn't that smart when I was your age. Use your knowledge. It'll make a difference." He kissed my forehead and stood up again. He picked up the gun and got back into his stance._

_"Disarm me."_

I smacked the gun out of the way and pulled the butt of it towards me, kneeing Shadis's assistant in the gut. Her grip loosened and I tugged harder, pulling it out of her hands and aiming it at her.

_"I can't." I whined, laying face-down in the dirt. My hair was in my mouth and eyes but my body was too sore for me to attempt to adjust._

_"You don't have a choice. Get up." He grabbed me by the back of my shirt and pulled me into a standing position. I whined lowly._

_"But-"_

_"Listen to me." He got down on one knee to be level with me, "I know its hard and you're young and you want to play with all the other kids like a normal six year-old, but-"_

_"Why can't I?"_

_"Because it's not in the cards for you. You were meant to do something for this community - to do something for this world. It needs you." He said seriously, holding my face so I'd be forced to look at him. I stared at him for a moment before sighing and nodding._

_"Okay, Daddy."_

"Good job, [Last]." Shadis held his hands out and I placed the weapon in them, nodding.

* * * *

"[First]." The voice startled me, mostly because of who it belonged to. I turned around to greet Annie. "I have a question, and I feel like you would give me a straight answer."

"Sure, what'd'ya need?" She pursed her lips, surprised by my answer as if she thought I'd reject her.

"I... was wondering what you'd do, in a hypothetical situation." She said slowly, finding a way for her words. She was speaking carefully as if she didn't want to reveal too much. "If you... had a secret, and it was..." She started, but stopped. "If you had a secret that was important for you to keep, but it'd be better for your friends and... loved ones if you didn't, what would you do?" She asked. I thought for a moment before answering.

"It depends. How important is it to keep?"

"Life or death."

"I meant in the long run." She thought for a while.

"I don't know... but it seems to be life or death for many others, too." I inhaled and thought for a good while.

"If... in the long run, its in your best interests to keep it and its better for the grand scheme of things..." I made a face, "Sometimes, Annie, adults put decisions on kids that are way too important. Do what feels  _right_." I frowned. "That came out cheesy. But its common advice for a reason."

She looked almost disappointed, but something in her eyes had softened.

"I have another." I nodded.

"Do you really think we can change the way we are?"

I shook my head, "No, of course not." I smiled as I took a sip from my canteen, "Don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure humanity will die out in these walls. But that won't stop us from trying." I breathed a short laugh, and sighed. "And I think that's admirable of them. Of  _us_. Don't you? But that wasn't your question." I considered my answer for a long moment.

A sigh found its way out.

"It depends. Some of us... we can't. We'll try and try and  _God, try_ , but it's no use. We're on a path and we can't turn away for anything." I said, giving her a look, "But others... they have the freedom, the spirit to do what they can to make it in this world. They aren't caged in by what others have pressured them to be." I stared into her eyes and felt a brief moment of opia. "You and I... well, we know what we fall into."

Annie nodded, pulling at her hood.

"I appreciate it." She looked back up to meet my eyes, and it seemed a thought occurred to her. "You have one, too, don't you?" I didn't bother feigning confusion, instead nodding. "I figured as much when I first saw you - and I could tell you weren't lying about the... outsider. Did you see who she was?"

"No, I was about to get caught and had to make a quick escape. The Survey Corps were tailing me. Why?"

"Curious, is all." She offered. "I've known you for all of a year and a half, and we've only said so much to each other, but..." She started. "I consider us friends."

"I'm honored, Lone wolf as you are." I joked. She looked almost surprised.

"What? I'm not a lone wolf, I-"

"You're a lone wolf. But I understand, and I'd like to consider you a friend, too."

* * * *

In my bunk, I tried to ignore the idle chatter about the days events and focus on getting some sleep, hopefully the kind not plagued by memories. My eyes closed and I let out a short sigh, biting my lower lip.

My serenity was interrupted soon enough.

"Hey, [Name]," Christa's timid voice called out. The room seemed to quiet down a bit. I didn't open my eyes, "Can I ask you a question?"

I didn't answer beyond a non-committal grunt and a slight nod.

"You seem to know a lot about us, but we hardly know anything about you," She started, Let's start with something easy-" She was cut off by a much more abrasive voice.

"You say you're from Zhiganshina. Have any living relatives?" Ymir. I sighed heavily. A year and a half together, I guess they'd want some info.

"Ymir!" Christa said warningly. I sat up and looked at the little half-circle of people gathered around my bunk. My eyes widened slightly in surprise. Mina, Mikasa, Ymir, Christa, Alice, Hannah, Sasha, Isabella, and Annie. The last wasn't actually in the group, so much as she peered over at our little group every once in a while.

"Actually, I'm not sure." I started, furrowing my brow as I thought about it, "My father died, he was in the Military Police. He was actually home with us on the day of the attack, but he was crushed by our house." A small half-sigh, half laugh brushed through my lips at the irony of it. "I had a brother, but he died about two years before the fall of Maria. He was in the Survey Corps. And my mother..." I shrugged, "Eaten by a titan."

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"You..." Mikasa started, "It was you there when...?" She didn't finish her sentence but I understood and nodded.

"Yep. I recall something about an uncle in the MP, but not much beyond that." Lying, I flopped back onto my pillow and stared at the bunk above me. "Any other questions?"

"I was going to ask how old you are?" Christa spoke up.

"Sixteen." I smiled a bit, "Sixteen yesterday, actually."

"Huh?!" Alice piped up, "Really? I'm only a year older, but you're so shor-"

"Finish that sentence and you finish  _your life_."

* * * *

Marco frowned at me.

"You're joining the Survey Corps?" He had a hint of something I didn't recognize in his voice and I shook my head.

"No - but what's wrong with that, Marco?" I ran my finger along the rim of my canteen, head resting on one of my hands and an elbow on my table. Jean muttered something to Connie and they both snickered, but Marco's face went a bit red as his frown deepened.

"I- I just think you should shoot for the MP, you'll definitely be in the top ten, it'd be a lot safer..." I laughed out loud.

"Safer? Are you kidding? And what happens when The Colossal and Armoured titans show up again and we get pushed to Sina? Nobody's  _safe_  anymore, Marco, don't lie to yourself." My tone was harsher than normal, and that's saying something. He visibly flinched.

A small sigh escaped my lips.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just- I don't..."

"I know. It's okay." I opened my mouth to say something else, but heard an abnormally loud voice from across the room. Incoherent shouts and banging told me who it must've been instantly.

That and the fact that Jean's seat was suddenly empty.

Marco groaned and stood. I leaned onto the table and wondered why such a nice guy was falling for me.

* * *

"So, Isabella," I grinned at her and she smirked back, raising a brow.

"Yes?"

"I see you." I replied. She pretended to be confused.

"See me what?"

"Need I call him over? Oi! Jean!" The male in question turned towards me with an annoyed expression on his face, but that dropped when he spotted Isabella next to me.

"What is it, [Name]?"

"Isabella wants to ask you a question-"

"No, I really don't." She defended. Alice, who was walking next to her, rolled her lips into her mouth to keep from laughing. Jean looked confused for a moment before shrugging and turning back around.

"She want's to know if anything besides your face is horse-like-" A hand slapped over my mouth and Jean whirled around, a light flush decorating his features. There was a split second of silence before Connie burst out laughing, doubling over and stopping. Surprisingly, Marco joined in. Alice made a weird noise before she dropped to her knees at her close companion's facial expression, and I furrowed my brows.

What was so funny?

I puffed out my cheeks and continued on, leaving the five incapacitated people behind. Just in time, too, because Shadis turned back and sent them a glare that could freeze fire.

I jogged a tad faster to catch up with the rest of the group. Eren glanced back at me and then to Mikasa, who was a little further up ahead, and slowed to my pace.

"What happened back there?" He asked curiously, for some reason, seeing him so... not angry was odd.

"Nothing, I just asked a question and they all started laughing."

"Well..." He glanced back at the group who had now somewhat sobered up, though Isabella was still mortified, if not moreso now that Jean was jogging next to her. Connie and Alice were busy whispering to each other and giggling, while Marco just had his lips rolled into his mouth and a small smile on his face. "What'd you ask? She looks horrified."

"Well, you know how she's in love with horseface and all, right?" He nodded. It was obvious to everyone, really, "Well, I was curious - I didn't want my... friend... to be disappointed when the time came, so I asked him if anything else on his body was horse-esque." Eren's eyes widened and he paused for all of three seconds before he, too, burst out laughing. It didn't send him doubling over, thankfully, instead he caught back up with me in a few seconds.

"You have a  _really_  blunt personality, don't you?"

There was a pause. I cracked a grin.

"I suppose."

Alice and Isabella fell into line a few spots in front of us, as well as Jean, Connie, and Marco. Eren stayed behind with me to chat idly, which I figure is pretty good for him.

Though, I didn't miss the small smile on Isa's face.

*

"So you're aiming for the MP?" Isabella asked me the next day. I shook my head.

"Yep, like my father. Though I'd also really like to be in the top ten. How about you?"

"Oh? I uh, I'm not sure." She chuckled a bit. "Jean wants to go to the MP, but I'm thinking of something more... useful, you know? I mean..." She shrugged.

"I see."

"But you don't exactly seem the self-sacrificing type. You'd have to give your life to the King," She added indignantly.

"Are you afraid you won't make top ten?" She was silent for a moment, staring down at her plate.

"There's so much talent here. I thought we were good, like  _really_  good, but then I get here and... graduation's less than nine months away and I want Alice to at least have the option if I don't..." Her frown deepened and I bit my lower lip.

"She'll be fine." Isabella looked doubtful.

"Whatever. I just hope she doesn't get any stupid ideas from Connie or Sasha, or worse - that Jaeger kid."

"There's nothing wrong with Jaeger's ambitions. Unlikely and improbable as they are." I defended, taking a bite of my bread and tasting the dust bowl of '35 spill into my mouth. I gagged a bit.

"What, you're defending his suicidal ideals?"

"Yes. You forget that I have-  _had_  a brother in the Corps? The only reason I'm not joining the kid is because-" The bread got caught in my throat and I choked a little bit, "My uncle wants me to join him in Sina." I finished. Isabella made a sound of surprise.

"You got word from your uncle? I thought he was busy on something secret and couldn't get through to you?!"

"I guess he's done, now. He didn't tell me much, the letter was one sentence long."

"What did it say?"

I smirked.

"'Get here alive, because I've got  _news_  for you.'"

"What does he mean 'alive'? Are you at risk of dying before that happens?"

"At just as much risk as anyone else here, I thought. But, you know how I said my dad was in the MP and we were supposed to move the day after Zhiganshina was hit? Two weeks before the fall I heard my mom and dad talking about this... argument, going on. There was a dispute between the Survey Corps and the Military Police on what to do with this prisoner or something, she was from  _outside the wall_." Isabella gasped and several conversations at the table stopped as a few people turned to stare at me. Three stares in particular were sharper than the rest.

"What? Outside he wall? You're bullshitting me now. No way they could-"

"Let me finish before you jump to conclusions." I cut her off, "This woman, she's lived outside of the walls her entire life, as far as I could tell-"

"How the hell did you manage to find this out? Not from a hushed conversation, I hope." Jean asked.

"Nope. I I tracked my uncle down with some stolen 3DMG all the way to the MP base. Almost got caught a few times, but that's beside the point, The fact of the matter is, there's some sort of group living outside the walls, and this girl is one of them. The Survey Corps found her, asleep, it seemed like, and they figured they should be able to keep her for questioning. The MP thought they should get rid of her."

"Why the hell would they do that?!" Eren cut in.

"The King is a coward." Surprisingly, it was not I who said that. A baker's dozen eyes turned in the direction of Annie, who was a table over. She looked like she hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"True. He seemed scared when my Father told him about it. Commander Pixis was confused by-"

"You mean to tell me you  _saw_  all of this?" Armin asked, disbelieving.

"I was a shifty-ass kid, especially after the Fall. I've told you guys about how I wound up here already, why are you so surprised I managed to sneak into the castle? I made it out of the walls once, for-"

"You were  _in the castle?!_ " Alice's voice was shrill and I grimaced.

"None of this is the point, we were talking about the outsider-"

"Hey!" All of a sudden, Shadis was breathing down our necks to get to bed. We were rushed out of the cafeteria and into our bunks, and for some reason it was lights-out immediately.

That didn't stop the hushed whispers from reaching my ears all through the night, though.

"Hey, [First]?" Alice's half-asleep voice hit me at about midnight. I hummed.

"I believe you."

Nine months went by in a flash.


	3. Self-Sacrificial Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering, this whole... thing... has *mostly* slight romances.

Chapter Two:

 

Isabella pushed me into the wall in the middle of the cafeteria. I winced when I made contact with the wall, hitting my head lightly.

"What the hell?!" I cursed, confused. Christa, whom I was walking with at the time looked as confused as I felt. She called for someone. Isabella pressed me against the wall with her forearm on my neck, I dug my nails into her skin lightly and bared my teeth, letting out a short growl. 

"How  _dare_  you," Her voice was low and her thick, curly black hair was covering her face. "How fucking  _dare_  you!" She said, her glare piercing. I blinked in confusion.

"What did I do?" I asked. I had a feeling I knew what she was on about.

"I thought you were just having an off day, or an off week, or... or  _something_ ,  _anything_  other than what you did! You thought we wouldn't realize?!" Her shrieking, shrill voice hurt my ears and I noticed the small crowd gathered around us. All looked surprised by Isabella's outburst, but Alice... Alice looked like she was cheering her on.

"I didn't do anything!" I lied through my teeth, but kept the glare in full swing.

"That's the damn _problem_!" She pulled away from me and I grasped my sore neck, heaving in breaths but not retaliating. "That!" She pointed at me, "That's how I know! If you had no idea what I was talking about you wouldn't have let me do that! You would've kicked my ass, because you're  _better_   _than me._ You know what you did was stupid!"

"I did what I thought was  _right_."

"It was wrong! You don't have the right to just throw away your future like that after the three years we've all had together-"

"And you don't have a fucking right to tell me what to do and who to do it for." I stood up straight and walked towards her until we were nose-to nose. My fists were clenching and un-clenching at my sides. I wanted to punch her for  _daring_ , but I wouldn't. "It doesn't matter, either way."

"No, you don't. Even I wouldn't sacrifice my spot in the  _top ten_  just so someone could have the  _option_  of choosing the Military-"

"At this point, what difference does it make, Isa? 

"You would've ranked  _at least_  two!"

"And then what?" I questioned in a low hiss, earning her silence. "Sat behind the walls and protected your so-called King while half of my fucking  _friends_  die in the Survey Corps? What the hell does my  _rank_  matter beyond  _this_ -" I pointed at the floor, "right here? Bragging rights? To a titan, all you are is a fucking  _snack_ , it doesn't matter where you placed in training." There was a pause of silence in the room and I realized I was breathing heavily from my little rant.

Isabella was shaking, and for half a moment I wondered if I'd done something wrong until my head was whipped to the side and my jaw was aching and I hit the wall again.

I was stunned and frozen in shock for half a second, vision swimming.

" _Goddamn_ , you bitch, you hit hard!" I said, half-impressed. I clutched my face and shook my head; luckily nothing was dislocated. "Holy  _hell_ , a simple 'fuck you' would've done  _wonders_ , Alice!" I let out a little sound of pain and shock. 

"I  _hate_  you!" Alice suddenly shouted. "I wanted to  _earn_  that spot, not have someone give it to me!" Alice was standing in front of me and I assumed she'd been the one to punch me. How  _childish_. 

"Too bad, Ali, it's the  _Bitch Brigade_  for you. Life is pain,  _really_." I said sarcastically. "Wall  _Sina,_  that hurt. Ow." I hissed, cracked my neck and stretched, itching to give someone payback, but too rational to go through with it. 

"You're  _throwing away_  your talent in the Garrison-" 

"Who said  _anything_  about the  _Garrison_?" I asked. Alice and Isabella both froze. Marco made a face and Jean ran a hand down his face. 

"No. No way, I refuse to let someone I consider a _sister_  join the  _Suicide Corps_!" Alice looked a tad panicky. I cracked a small smile.

"Last person that said that to me was my mom, and she wound up  _dead_  less than a minute later. I'd watch it if I were you." I said lowly. 

"I can't believe you." Alice ran a hand through her shoulder length, ash-grey hair, and I breathed a laugh. "I can't even fucking  _fathom_  why you'd do something so...  _stupid_ ," Her frustration was apparent and I blamed her a tad less for her actions. Not enough to keep me from egging her on, though.

"I'm not going to let the corpse - whoops, Corps-" I let out a startled laugh, "Holy shit, what a Freudian  _slip_ ," I said, covering my mouth a little with a hand as I giggled, "I'm not going to let the Survey Corps take all my friends beyond the wall without me. Is what I meant to say, but I mean..." I was having a jolly old time, while everyone else seemed a little horrified. Eren just gave me a warning stare, so I furrowed my brows at him but mouthed an apology. 

Just then, Alice turned on her heel towards him, desperate, "Eren, please - convince her not to do this!" Eren jumped a little, surprised, and blinked rapidly. He opened his mouth to say something, but there was tense silence for a moment.

"I- uh..." He said.

"He's not going to convince me otherwise, Alice-"

"You know, I think she  _should_  join." The voice from elsewhere had me turning my head, surprised to meet the eyes of Bertholdt. The gentle giant's voice somehow  _commanded_  the attention of the room, but when he noticed, a soft flush colored his cheeks.

"Wha...?" Alice, standing about seven or so inches taller than me, let out a soft noise of confusion. 

"I mean..." He looked down at his feet and Reiner gave him a curious look, "She's not meant for anything other than the battlefield. We don't...  _talk_  much, I admit, so bear with me," He says, giving me a slightly apologetic look, "But you can feel it when she walks into the room. She has this... electricity about her that you can feel under your skin." As he spoke, he got confident enough to peer up at Alice occasionally, "You can't keep her trapped in these walls forever, because she's like a... a wolf." He glances at me and then away shyly, letting out a nervous laugh as Reiner gives him this sly look, "The battlefield is where she...  _belongs_ , and you should either join her or get out of her way, I've learned." At that last part he shot me a smile.

"Hey, I said I was sorry!" 

Alice seemed to consider this, letting out a resigned sigh after a moment. "I see your point." She admits, rubbing the back of her head, but turning to me, "I... appreciate what you've done, don't get me wrong," She says, "I just wish I could've done it myself."

"Cool cool," I said, "My jaw still hurts and all but its whatever." I was low-key still pissed, but you know.

"And, though I-"

"Hey, Alice, I'm  _good_ , fam, no need to apologize, really. I think I'll just go uh, sleep this off and uh." I clicked my teeth and pointed hang-guns at her, backing out of the hall. "Adios," 

It was still seven hours before bedtime, but I figured I  _could_  sleep the anger off.

I was  _not_ correct. I was still up, tossing and tuning, three hours later, so I got up and re-dressed and noticed a nice bruise on my face,  _awesome_ , and headed back outside. It was still bright outside, ironically so, considering the storm that was my mood and mind. I must've had an attitude fit to fell any person or titan thrown my way, so those of my friends who wanted to approach me didn't dare.

Well, all  _except_  the poor unfortunate soul that is Marco.

"Hey, [Name]," He said softly, more soft than usual. I didn't bother answering, I just continued to sit around the dusty courtyard. His determined face didn't falter and I crossed both my legs and arms, trying to signal to him that I really would rather be left alone to simmer in my misery. He leaned on one hand, not in my personal space, but giving the feeling that he was.

He noticed my pose, but didn't take the hint.

"I just wanted to say that what you did was a really noble thing and I..." He trailed off when my glower was focused on him and he looked down at the bench we were sitting on, swallowing. "I just thought it was really brave," He finished lamely. A small sigh escaped his lips.

"Well, look where bravery gets you. No good deed, I guess." My scowl somehow deepened as I thought about the throbbing on my jaw.

"You should probably ice that, you know, it'll heal faster." I closed my eyes and sighed, relaxing my posture a bit.

"I don't care enough to, honestly. I-" My eyes shot open as a pair of soft lips were on mine, and I made a sound of surprise. A hand was caressing my bruised jaw gently, and I was unsure what to do for a moment. My brow furrowed as my eyes drifted shut and I responded to Marco's touch.

When I started to respond, however, he seemed a little lost. He stiffened when I placed my hand on his shoulder and almost squeaked when I bit his lower lip. I deepened the kiss, taking the lead and moved closer to him, when all of a sudden he pulled away, face flushed absolutely crimson.

"I-I-I-" He stumbled over his words and scooted away from me, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to t- it just- I am  _so_  sorry, [First]," I found his panic quite cute and endearing, actually. Is that bad? "I can't believe myself. I-"

"Calm down, first of all." He didn't listen, because he sprung out of his seat and started backing away from me frantically.

I grinned, spirits lifted just that easily.

* * * *

I stood with my fist over my heart next to Armin and Isabella. I didn't regret my decision, I'd find a way to do what I needed to do before long. Sure, everyone was feeling all excited and shit but I was more on the worried side. Mostly because I felt the eyes of my uncle on my from my inconspicuous spot back here, with a bunch of the other higher-ups. From the glance I managed to steal, he did not look too happy.

Later that evening, we were all gathered in a big hall for... celebration, I suppose? We'd all signed up for our branch and though there were a few people miffed about  _really_  not being in the top ten, most of them were happy.

Okay, let me rephrase. _I_  was the only one not happy. My jaw wasn't swollen (I actually took Marco's advice) but it still hurt like the sun rises.

Thomas and that Samuel guy were bothering Eren about  _really_  not joining the Military Police, and I joined the group. 

"But you've got one of the top scores!" 

"I've been dead-set on my goal since the very beginning. I didn't train to live comfortably withing the inner district. I worked this hard so that I could fight the titans." this guy seriously needed to smile more, and that's coming from me - a girl who hasn't actually  _smiled_  in about seven years.

"But you can't possibly win!" Thomas Wagner shut the entire vestibule up. It got so awkward I avoided eye contact and stared at a far-off wall. "I mean, you know full well... you know how many have been eaten by them. We've lost more than 20% of the entire population already. Mankind doesn't stand a chance against them." 

"Well, shit." I muttered, letting out an inappropriate laugh. 

"So? You're giving up because you think you can't win?" Eren didn't look like he was the least bit deterred or miffed.

"Well-"

"It's true that we've suffered only losses so far. That's because we hardly know anything  _about_  them! We can't defeat them using sheer numbers. We may have lost, but the knowledge we obtained from those battles is our guiding beacon of hope. Yet you'd discard the tactical prowess bought by hundreds of thousands of sacrifices, just to serve yourself up on a sliver platter?!" He took a breath, looking oddly passionate about the entire thing. "You've got to be kidding me." I faltered a bit when he looked straight at me. "I'll kill every last one of them and break free of these walls."

He looked down at his hand and clenched his fist.

"That is my dream. Mankind hasn't lost everything yet."

There was silence around the hall. No one said anything and Eren made a sort of displeased sound before exiting, and of course Armin and Mikasa followed.

Somehow, I knew something would go wrong with that kid.

 

***

 

"Jean, just ask her out." Marco said, exasperated. I almost cracked a smile at the fact that  _his_  patience was running thin, but instead offered a grunt of agreement. He'd been contemplating doing so for the past half hour as the newly recruited recruits cleaned the top of Wall Rose in the Trost district.

"...Fine. But if she says no I'm saying it was a prank and you two put me up to it."

Marco looked like he wanted to rejoice. I was right there with him.

"Cadets! You're moving to inventory. Follow me." Our senior called out to us and I sighed in relief, happy to do anything but count the bricks on the wall for the next few hours. We were escorted down the wall and a half an hour walk to some building that looked like it would be just as boring. We were seconds from walking in the door - in fact, Marco was holding the door open for me when the person behind me pointed at something. My eyes followed and widened.

"Holy crap." Marco muttered. I blinked rapidly at the naked flesh of the Colossal titan and a small frown pulled one corner of my mouth. 

I took off in the direction of the wall.

"Wait, {Y/N}!"

I didn't listen. A few moments later I heard four sets of footsteps following closely behind me and made a wild guess at who it was. "Alice, Isabella, go find Shadis. Just say "Sparrow" and that it was from {L/N}." I said, turning around. I was right in my guess and they glanced at each other, nodding and breaking formation to go find Shadis.

"What are you doing?! Are you out of your mind?" Jean exclaimed.

"No." I heard shouts and an audible crash as I saw the titan's foot break through the gate. Would this be a repeat of Zhiganshina? "You are, though, for following me."

"This is really stupid..." Marco groaned as he kept up with me easily.  _'Not fast' my ass._

"Marco's right, we should head back before they think we're deserting-"

"He'll probably die before he gets a chance to report us, so-"

"Now that's just in poor taste, {Y/N}." Marco interjected. I didn't apologize, but I let out a sigh and nodded. I restarted.

"I joined the military for this exact reason, Jean. For that skinless son of a-" I stopped in my tracks as the titan disappeared. Marco ran into me and I felt the impact of Jean hitting him a moment later. "...where'd he go?" I thought back to five years ago, when the wall first fell. Where'd the Colossal titan go, then?

...Did he disappear that time, as well?

I let out a loud curse.

"Okay... We have to get to the rendezvous point. Titans are gonna flood in any minute and we need to recoup. C'mon." I thought fast and turned, running straight into Marco, who made me stop with a hand on my shoulder.

"Slow down." His voice was gentle but firm, like a lily-pad in a pond. "Take a breath. We just got... breached and you haven't even taken a second to let that sink in." Marco looked dazed and confused, almost like it was barely sinking in for himself.

"What good will letting the fact that everyone in this town will die without our help sink in do for us right now? The Survey Corps are on an expedition and Commander Pixis is probably with the King in Sina. We're on our own for a while and if the Armoured titan shows up - which, lets be honest, is what's going to happen - we're screwed. Right now, we need split second decisions and quick thinking. Minimalize our losses." I shrugged him off and walked forward as I spoke. 

"Sparrow." He said after a moment. "What does that mean?"

"Code. Just get to HQ."

The perks of being in a military family.

****

"Yesterday you were but cadets, but today, you graduates are true soldiers! I'm expecting great things from you!" No one - I mean no one - was listening. We were scrambling around for gas and any supplies we could carry in preparation for the oncoming attack.

"Armin, you okay?" Eren's naturally loud voice could be overheard in all the chaos.

"I'm fine..."

"{Y/N}!" Marco called. I turned to him, raising a brow. "There you are."

"Yeah. Your tanks full?" I asked, tapping on one. He nodded and someone ran into me, shouting an apology as they passed. It looked like Sasha, so I let it go. 

"Yeah, are you okay-"

"Of course. I'm just... we'd need a fucking titan to lift that goddamn rock in time for us to seal the hole in the wall in the first place, so it's a guarantee that we've lost Rose already. I'm wondering how many of  _us_  we've lost, as well." I said calmly. Marco paused for a moment, before he let out a sigh.

"[First], at least try to show some sort of emotion when you say shit like that." 

His curse barely registered in my mind.

"Alice!" Jean shouted. I glanced in his direction as my thoughts ran rampant. I heard Armin detailing just how badly we were screwed to my left and wondered how we were supposed to manage to block that hole in the wall before the Armored titan showed up, but before I could sink myself too far in misery when all went silent. I sneezed, rubbing my nose and coughed harshly.

After a few moments, we were all ushered outside.

"Split up into teams, just as in training! Under the Garrison's command, you will form supply and information routes as you mop up and Titans you encounter! The Garrison's intercept squad will be the vanguard!" I saw defeat on said members' faces, and my lips thinned. "The Cadets will function as the middle guard under our command," Grim determination found its way onto young faces, "And the Garrison's elite will form the rear guard!" My brow furrowed. What kind of sense did that make? The  _kids_  are going out before the  _elite_?

"...what?" Alice voiced my confusion.

"According to information we have received, the initial response team has been wiped out."

"Well holy shit." Isabella murmured.

"They don't want to  _risk_  the best they've got, so they're sending us on a suicide mission. Nice." I told them. Marco shifted beside me uncomfortably.

"They let the titans break through their defenses and get into the town! In other words, as things are now the Armoured titan could show up at any moment and destroy the inner wall." Murmurs broke out among the recruits.

"Attention! The vanguard is intercepting titans as we speak. This defense mission only has one goal: Protect wall rose until the citizens have evacuated! Also, I'm sure you all know by now, fleeing from an enemy carries the death penalty. Keep that in mind as you offer up your lives! Dismissed!" 

"What a  _note_  to end on." I couldn't help the inappropriate giggle that bubbled out of my chest, though it was more bewildered than anything. 

"Yessir!" We all saluted and then scrambled like roaches in the light to get into groups of people we trusted. 

*

"Why today? I would've left for the interior tomorrow!" Jean was breaking down and I sighed heavily, because it was clear to me he'd be feeling down through this entire thing. Well, that said, we all would. I just felt ready.

"On the upside-" I paused, a finger in the air, "-there is no upside, actually. This sucks. That speech made it suck worse." Alice slapped me on the back as she commended my abilities to comfort people. I ignored the sound of Daz vomiting less than six feet away from me.

"We're all ready." She added. "Or, as ready as we'll ever be, at least. You?"

"I'm always ready. Jean, you good- oh, he's fighting with Eren." He was losing, too, from the looks of it. 

*

"Squad 19, go!" As soon as I heard the words, I took off. 

We kept to the rooftops and stayed in our assigned area, which was more towards the side or Trost. Seeing no titans to be killed, we decided to pick a roof in the middle and keep watch. A moment of silence, Jean spoke as he stared off at smoke in the distance.

"I grew up here." It was a simple sentence that carried a lot more than it led. 

"I know how you feel." I offered in return. I slapped him on the back in a supportive manner and spotted movement to the East. Peering a little harder, I stepped to the edge and confirmed the fact that it was a titan. 

Upon closer inspection, there were three. They were grouped together around something, but I could take a  _wild guess_  at what it was considering the blood on their faces. I hiccuped and gestured for my group to pay attention.

"Three. Twelve-meter class, it looks, think we can take 'em?" I asked rhetorically. I went to step off the roof when Isabella pulled me back by my collar.

"What are you, crazy?! You can't just run up on them without a plan!" 

"Why not?" She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath.

"This is  _real_. It's a hell of a lot different from training, {Y/N}, you could die."

"Really? Wow, I hadn't considered that. Thanks for letting me know, I'll just - you know - go to Sina now."

"Not.  _Funny_." Alice offered.

"Well, what did you expect? I know the price, and I'm ready to pay it. That being said, I don't  _want_  to die. You can stay back - in fact, I'd much prefer it if you let me take this alone." Alice, Marco, Jean  _and_  Isabella all looked at me like I was insane. "Okay, but it was worth a try." A corner of my mouth lifted in a half smile, "Let's get going before they leave."

Before anyone could stop me, I took off. 

I maneuvered through buildings and alleyways, finding the fastest way there before I stopped on the rooftop above them. Drawing my blades, I quickly read the situation and determined the best course of action before they noticed I was there - Just kidding, I rushed in like an idiot before my backup showed. Hooking onto the back of one's neck, I made a clean cut, but I had nowhere to go after besides through the other two. 

Spoiler alert, I didn't make it. 

One grabbed onto my leg and the other onto the opposite arm, but using my free hand I cut the fingers of the one I was closest to, getting my leg free. He got angry, though, and grabbed my torso with his other hand, thankfully pulling my other arm free and not  _off_. I struggled in his grip, letting out a frustrated squeal and my inability to get out of the situation when I heard the sound of blades on flesh and blood splattered behind the titan's head. I spotted Alice.

I was dropped and I landed on the other felled titan's head, injuring my knee a little, but I used my 3DMG to get out of the way of the last titan's hands. Bringing myself onto the roof behind the last titan, I pouted as I jumped down to take it out. I landed on my feet on the ground, sheathing my blades and crossing my arms as I pouted some more, looking up at my startled teammates. I huffed and started walking away.

A few seconds later, they fell into step with me. They seemed to be speechless, either at my attitude or my actions I didn't know. 

When we had walked a good two blocks away from the scene, a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I frowned deeper.

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?" It was Alice. I looked off to the side and my crossed arms didn't loosen as I turned to face her.

"I couldn't kill them by myself."

"Well no shit, Sherlock. They're about ten times your size, no one could take them alone when they're fresh out of training." 

"Still sucks though." I muttered. "Anywho, for the lifesaving thing. Alice." I gave her a thumbs up, which was probably as close to a thank-you she'd get. Marco and Jean looked like they were struggling to keep up with us. I felt a little dizzy myself.

I spotted heads on top of a roof, and used my gear to get up there after signalling the others. Apparently, now we were just waiting for the signal to retreat, because we were all out of gas. I tapped my tank and cursed, just as the signal bell rang.

Crap.

Now, all we had to do was wait. I chose a comfy-looking edge and sat.

* * *

"...If I don't, then I'll just die."

I was too busy being stuck on the fact that Eren was dead. I vaguely recognized the fact that Mikasa had just jumped off the roof with like, no gas, and made to follow her. I felt a twinge of disbelief, mostly because Eren had that particular  _spark_  about him. Connie had told me he had found Armin alone, staring blankly into space, before he started screaming about how he was useless. 

My feet weren't on the roof anymore, and I nearly fell straight to the ground in my confusion. 

_Don't think._

I managed to make myself land safely, walking for now. From this distance, I heard Jean rallying the rest of the recruits into action, and I broke out into a sprint to launch myself into the air, my mind a swirl of emotions as I caught up to Mikasa. I stayed a few paces behind her, though, seeing as she had this sort of dead look on her face and I really didn't want to be in her line of sight.

Soon enough, I spotted titans, just at the same time the rest of the 104th came to back us up. I made a move to kill one, but Mikasa got it before I  could even think to. I felt sluggish and tired and lightheaded all at once, though I was moving fast. My breath came in short pants as I tried to think; what were we doing? Where were we going? 

"Charge to HQ before you run out of gas!" Oh, that's what we were doing.

Before I knew it, we were stopping on a roof and I didn't see Mikasa anymore. I stumbled a bit when I landed and looked around for her, feeling drunk and out of place. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Where..." I heard shouting and turned to see three recruits already grabbed by titans. I took a deep breath, but didn't move to help them, seeing as it would be a death wish in my current state. I looked around at the others and noted that Jean looked the most distressed by this.

My head started pounding relentlessly and I gasped, grabbing it. I tried to even my breathing, but it wasn't working. I closed my eyes and crouched close to the ground, thankful that I was behind everyone so nobody noticed. Once it was a manageable ache, I stood and tried to mask my pain. Now was no time to be breaking down, I had to focus.

Swaying slightly on my feet, I walked forward. The titans who had previously captured the other recruits were still focused on the few they had caught, though a few lower-class ones were clawing at the bottom of the building we were on. We'd best move while they were distracted-

"Now! Rush over to HQ now!" Jean's voice cut through my thoughts and he started to move, so I followed. I landed on a shorter roof clumsily, but continued on.

We moved quickly, avoiding as many titans as we could while going in the straightest path possible. I didn't bother with anything other than keeping myself in the air. The windows were fast approaching and soon enough I crashed through dead last, not managing to land upright and instead stumbling, banging my knee, shoulder, and elbow before just laying on the ground. I made a sort of effort to stand, but wound up falling again. I gave up and let out a short groan.

Isabella and Alice ran over to me. I waved them off.

"Just..." I laid my head on the wooden floor, struggling to find the strength to even stand, "-give me a second, I'm fine." I stood and leaned heavily on a desk, seeing Marco shoot me a worried look as he held Jean back from punching someone in the face, I guess. 

"Titans in the storeroom?" I took a guess, and Alice nodded. "Crap. Is the lift still working-" I was pulled away from the wall I was right next to, just in time to avoid the large  _face_  that crashed into it. "Oh, what the _hell_ , man?" I nodded thankfully at Alice, seeing Jean frozen in place. I moved to pull him away when all of a sudden, a giant fist flew into one of the titan's faces. A split second later, a pair of strikingly conscious green eyes locked onto mine and then they were gone.

And I blacked the fuck out.

*

_"You know this is what we were made for." His voice rang clearly in my head as he pulled the needle out. I shook my head, anyway. I'd hated needles ever since..._

_"I don't want to."_

_"Neither do I, you know." There was a long pause as my brother examined it closely. "I'll tell you what, though. I won't make you take it today, alright? But one day, when you're ready - and you **will**  be ready - you have to. I might not be around and it might be scary, but you have to. Promise me." He held out the pinky of his free hand. I took it gratefully, happy I'd be free for a few more years. "Okay. I'll tell dad to give it to Jac, and he'll give it to you in a few years, alright?" I nodded._

_"Okay."_

_"Right. Now, sleep." He stood, stowing the needle away and offering me a smile. I grinned back, happy, and closed my eyes._

_The next morning, I forgot the conversation._

*

"{Y/N}!" the voice blasted in my ears and I sat up, startled. Marco breathed a sigh of relief

"Before we do anything, we need gas." I turned to Mikasa as she was explaining her plan to use the titan to escape over the wall. I stood, stretching and nodding briefly at my concerned comrades. We had bigger issues than my health at the moment.

"It doesn't matter what it is, what we need at the moment is for that titan to continue its rampage." Mikasa continued after acknowledging my statement. "Realistically, that's our best plan for survival."

We made our way inside, formulating a plan to clear the storage room. There were an estimated seven 6-8 meter titans down there and we needed to clear them out before anything. We'd found a few rifles and were now loading them, making sure they could be fired. I sneezed for about the fifth time and let out a cough.

"You okay? Are you coming down with something? You seem sick." Alice asked, concerned.

"Probably just... jitters or something. I feel fine, I'm a little tired though." I lied. 

"You don't get 'jitters'." she commented snidely, but let it go.

Armin explained the plan; a group would get on the lift and lure the titans over until they were close enough for us all to blind them and then seven people hiding on the rafters would swoop down and take them out.

"I'd like the seven most physically able people to take up this task, though I apologize for burdening you with this responsibility." He said. I felt several pairs of eyes shoot to me, and several others shot to Mikasa. 

"No worries." Reiner assured him.

"Regardless of who does it, if they fail, we all die. The risk is the same." Now, that was a bit of an exaggeration, Annie.

"But is  _my_  plan really the best course of action?" Armin worried. I scoffed.

"You see any other geniuses around here, man?" I muttered. After a second I looked up, "No offense to the rest of you."

"...Lets just go with that. There's really no time, anyway. Its all we've got. Now we just have to give it our best!" Marco  _sort-of_  reassured him.

"Don't worry," Mikasa looked a lot better since I last saw her, though she still looked worn out. "Be confident in yourself. You have the ability to seek out the right answers. Eren and I have been saved by those very abilities in the past."

"...What?" Armin looked surprised and I thought back on the time I'd spent with them. "When?" I could think of a few times right of the bat, honestly. She just offered a soft smile in return.

"Who're the top contenders?" Sasha asked.

"Anyone in the top ten, really-"

"Not me." Marco cut in. I gave him a questioning look, "I-I'm not really all that fast - and I'm much better with a rifle than anything..." I nodded.

"Any volunteers?" Reiner, Annie, Mikasa, and Bertholdt raised their hands. After a second of deliberation, Jean raised his, too.

"What about you?" Armin asked.

I put my hands up defensively.

"I'm down for the count, I'm barely awake right now." Marco's eyes lingered on me worriedly. I probably looked like shit, I know.

"I'll do it." Connie raised his hand, and Sasha made a peeved face and raised hers right after.

"Cool, that's seven." I nodded. Standing from my crouched position on the floor, I let out a heavy sigh and broke into a coughing fit. Alice patted me on the back, but that sort of just made it worse.

We loaded onto the lift, Marco right behind me. I leaned onto him a little, sighing. All I knew was that I'd be waiting on his order to fire and then I'd hopefully not die. As soon as we were low enough, we all aimed.

"We'll stick to the plan." I felt, more than heard Marco say.

There was a moment of tense silence as we felt the vibrations of their footsteps as one stopped without turning towards us. In a movement that startled even me, he turned to face us. One recruit let out a distressed noise, and I breathed in deeply through my nose to prevent myself from stabbing them.

"Calm down." Marco said. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself. I looked up (short enough to do that) at him and he looked just as panicked as he sounded, if the waver in his voice was anything to go by. "Let it get closer." Another footstep, this time closer, made me close my eyes. My stomach sank a little as my clear imminent danger finally got to me.

" _Shit_." I cursed as it stepped closer, placing my finger on the trigger. Another step...

" _Ready_..." Marco said, loud enough for everyone to hear. Another step and the titan was staring down the barrel of my gun. I offered it a smirk and it seemed to give one back. That threw me off so bad I almost dropped my gun. "Fire!" Before the word passed through his lips every single gun in the room went off. I didn't hear it, though, I only heard a low ring and saw flashes everywhere. After barely two seconds, I saw bodies flying through the air and the titans were down.

Well, all except two. 

Connie fell and Sasha backed up warily, her eyes watering as her titan turned to face her. She smiled at it nervously. 

"U-um... sorry for... sneaking up behind you and..." 

"This is bad-" Connie dodged as his titan lunged at him and Sasha screamed as hers did the same. 

"Hurry, cover for them!" Jean shouted.

Mikasa and Annie came to the rescue, taking out the other two titans swiftly. I sighed in relief. After about half a second of congratulations amongst ourselves, I turned around just in time to see Marco pass out for like half a second. He shook his head and opened his eyes again, shooting me a bright smile. 

I actually smiled coyly back, looking down in an uncharacteristic demure fashion that, when I glanced back up, had him blushing, hard. The lift lowered the rest of the way and he avoided looking directly into my eyes.

Once we were on the ground we got straight to filling our tanks and Alice came up behind me with a shit-eating grin.

" _What?_ " I asked, rolling my eyes. She grinned even brighter and Isabella slid up next to her. They really  _were_  close, weren't they?

"What was that little thing there with Marco, huh? He can't even look at you right now without turning redder than a tomato." Alice elbowed me in the ribs roughly and I grunted.

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything."

" _Really?_  Cause _I_  saw that little turn-away smile you gave him and I know that move. Am I rubbing off on you?" Isa raised a brow as she gave me a look. I turned to her, confused.

"What move?" She stared at me suspiciously for a moment before she looked at me incredulously.

"You really don't know what kind of  _heat_  you just put that boy under? Isa, can you believe her?" I shook my head, looking back at Marco who was currently being teased, it seemed, by Jean. I turned around and switched my tank, coughing.

"No. As close as the three of us are I find that pretty weird. I'm always trying to teach her how to do the flirt but she just won't-"

"I don't see how." I looked at my slightly distorted reflection in my silver gas tank. My nose looked irritated and my eyes were kind of red, my face puffy as a bruise was forming on my cheek. i looked like I had just gotten jumped. I wiped the blood off of the metal.

"Oh, please, {Y/N}, you're  _gorgeous_." Alice cut in, "And it's so  _rare_ to see you look even the slightest bit vulnerable, I bet that hit him  _hard_." 

"Whatever." I shrugged. What was I supposed to do?

"She's so oblivious I can't," Alice muttered. 

After I finished my second tank I took a moment to breathe. Not moving or focusing on anything was bad, it that flashback was anything to go by, but I had to wonder: why did those green eyes look so familiar? Why did  _that_  particular memory choose to resurface after seven years?

My head started pounding again, but soon enough everyone was ready and we were headed out.

To Rose I went- what the hell were those idiots doing on the roof?

I landed behind them all as they stared down, confused at the fallen abberant with the green eyes, and my own widened in surprise. Was that... Eren?

_Flashes of blonde hair, some long, some short, and a younger me flashed through my eyes. A name?_

_"Grisha, no!"_

_Tall. They were tall. Six feet, Sixty meters. A titan? No, a human. No, a titan. What? Traitors?_

I gasped, letting out a short groan as my head pounded some more. Mikasa went down to help her brother. I collapsed to my knees, waving off Jean who went to help me. 

_"Murderer! Hang them!"_

_"Please, don't! He's sorry!"_

_"Mommy, what are they doing? Where is he going?"_

I took a deep breath. Standing in time to follow the others onto another roof, this time with Eren. there was no surprise in my mind, though.

* * * *

Jean looked dead. I was too busy trying to unscramble my brain to bother wondering about Eren. Flashes of someone that wasn't me were winding themselves through my mind and I couldn't stop them. The most common ones were pain. I vaguely heard Jean's voice, but couldn't focus.

Marco was shouting at Daz to not kill himself and for a grim moment I considered joining Daz in his endeavor. I let out a bark of laughter and sipped water from my canteen, but almost choked on more hysterical laughter.

"Holy shit," I laughed some more, throwing my head back as tears formed in my eyes. It wasn't laughter borne from relief or humor, it was just... laughter. My head hurt and the tears started to stream down my cheeks as the seconds went on. And then I suddenly stopped. I stared up at the sky in wonder. "What the hell have we gotten ourselves into, guys?" 

A few seconds later and I heard cannon fire.

"Oh," I looked in that general direction, "There it is." I sighed as I took another drink from my canteen and stood, heading off in that direction on my 3DMG. I heard shouts and footsteps behind me, but didn't bother looking back because I could guess at who it was.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alive Marco, so rejoice, you guys. Happy story, in general. At least, beyond the standard sadness that is the AoT universe.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan or any of its characters, nor do I own you. I only own this story. Some dialogue is not mine, either. 
> 
> Enjoy. Please do tell me what you think.


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